MCS Success Photos

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at home after having been out at Walmart and also the grocery store (both with no mask) and I had one of those surreal moments that I have sometimes since being on a healing journey.
I suddenly looked around and was aware of all of the things I was sitting near that I couldn't have even been in the room with without reacting to before I began healing from MCS. Even after I had begun healing but was still early on, many of these things caused reactions and I had to avoid them. I am now so completely nonreactive to them that it feels normal to be around them and most of the time I forget they were ever an issue!

I took some photos that day and tried to identify all that I was now okay with.

Here are a few photos, followed by a list of what is shown - all of the items listed are signs of healing, signs of success! Keeping a tidy house is not one of my skills so please excuse the mess :-)

• acrylic yarn bought that day at Walmart.
• crochet hook bought that day at Walmart - it didn't occur to me to wash it.
• toilet paper bought at grocery store in same aisle as laundry products (the store smell on the plastic would have been a big issue in past).
• computer and printer in same room as me. I used to have them in another room with the cords for keyboard and monitor coming through wall into my room. They've been in the same room as me for many months now.
• table with wood exposed (used to be entirely sealed in foil due to terpenes in wood. the glass top on it now is just to protect it from cat claws - not for MCS reasons).
• package of canvas boards on table is from Michaels craft store, a very stinky place.
• you can just barely see the books on the tables - 1 new and 1 from library (inks, other people's scents etc).
• exercise ball
• what is not shown is my body and hair. I no longer need to shower or wash my hair after being out - even after hours of browsing Walmart! I simply wash my hands and change my clothing.
• the pants I'm wearing were ones I was able to wear after just one wash with my safe soap. no detox necassary.
  

Also, though you can't see it in the above photo, I was sitting a few feet from a pair of brand new boots. New leather, new rubber, new everything. They didn't bother me at all - either to be near or to wear (though sadly I did return them because the left one was too tight for some reason :)
In the left lower corner of the below photo you can see the fabric of the chair I'm sitting on. I left that in to show how nearby the boots are. I shopped for boots at almost every store I could think of, trying to find the right pair. I didn't wear a mask in any of the stores. The new shoe smell was very strong but it didn't bother me.

3 Year Healing Anniversary and Blog Name Change

Three years ago, I made the decision to trust my own intuition about the ability of my body to heal from MCS.
I used EFT to reprogram some of the limiting beliefs that I had (MCS is forever, impossible to heal, incurable etc).
Almost immediately, I became more open to listening to my intuition about what could help me. This led me to try the supplement Schizandra, which helped immensely(though I no longer need it now), and also to me developing my personal style of what I call Shifting Focus. That technique, combined with avoiding negative people as much as possible and having a hobby that brought me joy, quickly brought about healing and proved to me that it was, in fact, possible for me to heal. Constitutional homeopathy has also played it's part.
About 9 months into the healing journey, I suddenly knew that it would be beneficial for me to start celebrating the improvements I was experiencing, sharing them with others so they could be witnessed.
I was still feeling a bit tentative about healing so I chose a blog name, Moving Beyond MCS, that reflected that tentative place I was in.

In celebration of 3 years of steady healing, I've changed the name of this blog from Moving Beyond MCS to Healing From MCS. The blog URL/web address is still the same so this name change should not effect any links made to this blog or any of your bookmarks.

Today there is no tentativeness within me.
I feel confident and comfortable with saying that I am, in fact, "healing from MCS"!
Over the last three years this healing has remained steady and continues to happen faster as my body gets healthier.
I have every confidence that one day I will be able to say I am healed, recovered.
I am so happy to be able to type those words and to have been able to share with you all here over the last few years.

Thank you for continuing to visit even as my posts have gotten less frequent as I am busier with having a life outside my home.
I will be posting soon about what an average week is like for me (it would have shocked the me of 3 years ago, that's for sure :).

Happy Earth Day!

Lilacs Smell Good Again!

The lilacs are in bloom in southern Ontario - an event that used to keep me inside at this time of year.  They used to smell very strong to me and I would get bad headaches and brain fog if I was exposed for more than a few seconds.  With MCS, one can react to VOCs from any source - even naturally occurring ones in plants and flowers.


Now lilacs smell wonderful to me!  I was out gardening for a few hours today and the wind was blowing a neighbour's lilac blossom scent my way.  I loved every minute of it and had no negative reactions  :-)
It is such a joy for me to be able to enjoy these natural smells again.
I've also been enjoying it when fresh cut grass smell wafts my way - something that a few years ago I would have thought impossible due to the high terpene level in grass.

I'm not yet at the point where I'd bring strong flowers like lilacs, hyacinths or lily-of-the-valley inside though I do bring some more mildly scented flowers in.

What flowers do you love?

Do you react to natural sources of VOCs?

MCS Improvements Part 10: 3 Days of Outings

I find that my improvements are becoming something I'm used to and I want to make sure I keep posting them to keep track of the kinds of things I can do now and be okay.
During these exposures I sometimes feel tired or spaced out but am still functional.
*note* I get hormonal migraines and so there's about one week in the month when I try not to do 3 days in a row like this or it's more likely I will get a migraine.


Friday

• spent 4 hours waiting in a free tax clinic at the local community centre
• walked to and from the centre (I'm slowly building up my exercise tolerance)

Saturday

• went for walk in some woods in town
• went for non-organic dinner at Mexican restaurant
• went shopping at large chain grocery store for about an hour and a half

Sunday

• took city bus... BUS! (actually 2 buses) to small book sale at a cafe. Coffee fumes used to knock me flat in minutes. This is a photo I actually took on the bus (on a different day). You can see I'm sitting near people.
  
• browsed books, used bathroom twice (reed fragrance oil diffuser)
• ordered delicious creamed vegetable and curry soup, sat for an hour drawing
• went next door to a used book store, browsed for 30 minutes
• got ride to Giant Tiger (kind of like a cross between a teensy Walmart and a dollar store - very stinky) shopped for about 45 minutes

All of this was with no mask except for a few minutes at the bus stop when I held it to my face while someone smoked a cigarette.

The really neat thing about this is that it was 3 days in a row - I used to have very long recovery times but now they are generally very fast and I can go out the next day again.

MCS Improvements Part 8: Walmart, mall, dollar store, library, Chapters, restaurant

I finally polished off this post and I'd like to share something very inspiring.
I recently went on a number of outings over 2 consecutive days that went SO well it was wonderful!

I was on a quest for unscented glue sticks (surprisingly hard to find) and got dropped off at Walmart (I don't drive).  This is the 3rd time in a few months that I've done Walmart without a mask. I had to bold that because that's a statement I thought I'd never see!

1. The first time was a few months ago for about 45 minutes and although not terrible, was not good - really bad brain fog, then emotional breakdown later with unexplained sobbing and fatigue.
2. The second time was a few months later - 15-20 minutes - and I had slight brain fog but was otherwise fine.
3. The third time was last week and it went great.  I was in there for at least 45 minutes, in all different departments, sniffing glue sticks of all things, and the only symptom was mild brain fog and feeling a bit overwhelmed.  No fatigue or neuro reactions later.

Not only that but after Walmart, I walked through the mall and went to Dollarama (I big, chain dollar store - lots of VOCs).  I was in there for about 30 minutes and was fine!  A dollar store is another place I thought I'd never be able to go without a mask.

After that, I walked through the mall and went to the library for a while and then walked 20 minutes home.  By that time I was very tired because I'd been on my feet for over 2 hours and I am not in good shape due to little exercise.
But other than normal tiredness, I was totally fine MCS-reaction-wise.

I woke up the next day feeling fine - no chemical hangover - and ended up going out again!

 funky tree from walk!

I went for a nature walk, browsed in Chapters for at least an hour (large chain bookstore that carries scented candles and has a Starbucks in it - fumes) and had dinner at Swiss Chalet.  The restaurant was so busy that I ended up being there for about 2 hours in total what with waiting in line, waiting to order, waiting for food to come and eating.  I got a mild headache which left as soon as I ate - likely blood sugar-related.


So that's 2 days in a row of huge, hours-long, unmasked outings with few ill effects.
And I was fine the next day and the day after that etc.

Awesome :-)

Manifesting A Happy Home

There's a really wonderful post by a Leslie (who has MCS) on her blog about how she drew a picture of her dream sustainable, safe-for-her house... and less than 6 months later found a home that is so close to her picture that it's almost eerie (but very cool)!
A very inspiring read!  You can see it here: Creating A Sustainable Dream Part 3.

It got me thinking about how much I yearn to live in the country, surrounded by nature, in a funky, MCS-safe house.  But I haven't done much to work towards manifesting it.
I want to make a list like Leslie did.
I've been taking part in a neat 'creative every day' challenge via my blog Divinity Withinity and the theme for February is 'Home'.  So without intending it as a manifestation exercise, I have already drawn a picture of my happy home and I wanted to share it with you here just because it's so light-hearted and fun:

(all drawn and coloured with art supplies intolerable to me a year ago)

MCS Improvements Part 7: Tolerating Markers, Pens and Papers

It's very exciting to now be able to use pretty much any pen or non-permanent marker!

I can now use sparkly pens, metallic pens, ball point pens, gel pens etc etc.
Ball point pens in particular I never thought I would be able to use again and am now totally fine with.

I'm loving all the new colours that are opening up to me.
Being able to do more artistic things is increasing my energy and improving  my mood... and it's SO healing for me!

I'm also now fine with regular paper, watercolour paper, construction paper and various coloured and craft papers!  Yay!!

 

You can view more creativity-focused posts on my blog Divinity Withinity.

Feeding The Sacred Spark

I've been thinking, for a while now, of how much I'd like to have more positive focuses in my life so I've decided to take the plunge and participate in this neat creativity challenge.
I love the art of the woman who runs CED and have been following her blog for many months, feeling inspired each time I read.  Her name is Leah Piken Kolidas and she provides monthly themes to help creative juices flow.
It's a very laid back 'challenge' and basically any participant can take part in whatever way feels right to them.

I love it!

I know how much healthier and happier I feel when I am creative and I think being part of this will motivate me to do it more often.

I've started a new blog called Divinity Withinity to be my new 'home' where I share creativity and celebrate things I enjoy - unrelated to illness.
A place to have fun, be silly, and connect with the sacred spark inside of myself - the spark that flares into a flame when in 2 situations - when I am in nature and when I am being creative.

I believe it can be healthy to break free from identifying too deeply with a label or diagnosis and this step feels like a positive one on my healing path.

So if you're a person who enjoys sharing of creativity or artsiness, please feel free to check out the new blog!  (I will still post MCS improvements in this blog.)

What are some non-MCS related positive things that are in focus in your life?
I'd love it if you shared in the comments area. 
☺

please note: the new blog will have photos so for dial up users, it may be slow to load.  I've tried to keep this MCS blog low on photos and videos for that very reason but I really want to celebrate on the creativity blog by sharing photos.  I apologise for any inconvenience it may cause.

MCS Improvements Part 6: Tracking Over 3 Months (3 dentist appts)

I had a neat opportunity to track improvements recently.

In 3 months, I went to the dentist 3 times - with each visit almost exactly one month apart.

The dentist is a number of hours away and each trip in total took over 8 hours at the shortest.

on the last 2 visits, I also went out for lunch at the same restaurant after the dentist.


I found it much easier to assess the level and rate of improvement with those visits compared to somewhere I go once or twice a week around town.

Exposures:

same hours long drive there

in same newer, smelly vehicle

inhaling the same exhaust fumes

walking through the same parking garage,

air freshenered elevator,

cleaning producted bathroom,

chemical-filled dentist office,

scented serving person, carpeted restaurant

eating the same delicious but non-organic food

same hours long drive home

in same newer, smelly vehicle

inhaling the same exhaust fumes

Reactions:

with each trip my reactions were WAY less than the one before, my recovery time was faster (with trip 3 recovery time being none at all really because I pretty much didn't react all day!)

I should put that in it's own sentence.

I am improving fast enough that although Trip 1 felt like hell and Trip 2 still felt like an ordeal (though not a hellish one), Trip 3 produced pretty much NO negative reactions and therefore didn't require any recovery time.

 I was slightly tired a bit after eating which happens to me anyway when I digest a large meal.  I still disliked the various things I smelled but did not physically or cognitively react to them.

I also hade slightly sore shoulders which came up about 2 hours after getting home.

After finally washing perfume and etc fumes out of my hair that went away.

If someone had told me 3 years ago that this would ever be possible for me, I would not have believed them.

In Other Improvement News:

In other news, going out to stores, malls, etc with no mask is now the norm for me.  I carry a mask in case I need to use a washroom that is ridiculously air freshenered but rarely use it.
The reactions from those 'out in public' places are lessening steadily and recovery time is almost instant after getting home.
It used to be that recovery time couldn't even start until I had showered and changed into clean clothing but now it begins the second I am in cleaner air.

Celebrating MCS Improvements Part 5: Healing Faster and Faster!

My improvements are happening very fast now.

Every week I seem to have things I can tolerate (or am reacting less to) that I could not just one week before. It's so exciting!

I have now had a number of weeks in a row where I have gone in public with no mask for hours at a time each week - often twice a week - and each time my reactions are less and less!

Last week I went for a medical appointment/exam in a regular clinic that took over 90 minutes total (including wait time) with no mask, then shopping for over 2-3 hours afterwards.
I did take a blanket for over the exam table and asked for a disposable paper robe instead of laundered one.  I was bothered most by the flourescent lights - far more than by chemicals.
My reactions while out were mild and I recovered as fast as it took me to shower after getting home.

I recently went ot Walmart without a mask (something I thought would never happen).
It was not a pleasant experience but far better than it would have been in the past.  I have been to Zellers (for non-Canadians that is like a small version of Walmart - not quite as stinky but still awful) many times maskless now and am fine.  Haven't yet done harware stores.

Yesterday I was in various grocery stores for 2 hours, then in a MALL, amidst the holiday shopping craziness, for about an hour and a half, all with no mask.
I came home, showered, ate and was well enough to go out to a cafe that was having free tarot readings!

With these outings I get slight sore throat and slight brain fog and sometiems some fatigue but it all passes so fast and is SO mild compared to how it used to be. I used to have more symptoms than those and far worse. A few years ago an outing maskless even a fraction of that length would have had me sick for weeks or more. And each time I did one would have taken longer to recover.

My favourite thing is being able to smile at people :-)
:-)

Constitutional Homeopathy Update

For the past 10.5 months I've been trying constitutional homeopathy for MCS and overall health.

So far there are some really dramatic results - for the good.
There have been some old symptoms brought up and as I keep taking the remedy, I move through them and feel that my body is finally healing those issues - instead of just shoving them under the carpet and adding more symptoms as happened most of my life!

Constitutional homeopathy is highly specific and it is my belief that results depend on having a homeopath who is skilled and conscientious.
What I like best about this approach is that, "Constitutional prescribing is also aimed at eventual cure of the patient, not just suppression or relief of immediate symptoms."

Quote taken from this article on constitutional homeopathy. 

I was lucky enough to get in as a client of a 4th year homeopathy student at a very low price and have stayed on with her since she has graduated.

There have been some great physical improvements (improved MCS all round is the best one) and a number of very profound emotional and spiritual differences.
My very mind set about some things has changed in ways I would have thought impossible.

One thing that has had a profound impact on me has been a shift in what time I feel like getting up in the morning.   It used to feel torturous to get up any time before 9am (often any time before 10am).  Now I wake up every day at around 5am, naturally, open the curtains so my body can sense that natural shift of light when dawn hits and go back to sleep until about 7am.  And wake up, almost always before my alarm, feeling pretty alert and rested.  At 7am!
7:00 a.m.
normal to many people, totally strange for me!


I used to never feel rested no matter how much I slept.  I'd be dragging myself out of bed out of guilt or knowing how much worse insomnia would be the next night if I slept in further.

I used to need at least 9 hours of sleep to feel halfway human and now I can get anywhere between 7 and 8.5 hours and feel fine - often good!



I am going to have an appointment with the homeopath to try and figure out a remedy to take acutely when migraines happen.

I've got my fingers crossed!
:-)

Healing Humour: A Great Poem About Fudge

Those of you with food sensitivities may appreciate this great poem by Amestress on her blog Life: The Final Attempt (not really).

It's called I Remember Fudge: a eulogy and to me it felt like she was using humour to express some painful feelings about loss.

I am green with envy over her writing skills!
Amestress is using dance to track her recovery from MCS and posts videos (sometimes with fun songs that crack me up :).

I personally have found humour to be a great coping skill and sometimes a healing tool. On down days, I access the healing properties of laughter by watching funny videos online or reading funny stories/books. Studies show that laughter can improve immune system health, increase oxygen to the brain, reduce pain and stress and much more.


Thanks Amestress both for permission to link and for inspiring me! ☺

Celebrating MCS Improvements Part 4: Going Maskless

It seems like a very long time since I have posted on the blog! I've been living in clean air in the woods for the summer and it's been so healing... but more about that another time :-)

I came across this old draft of a post I began writing back in January. It was so neat to read it again today and realise how much things have changed since then and I wanted to share.

*Note* There are many different kinds of 'masks' that people with MCS use. When I refer to a 'mask' I am talking about a small 'respirator' I wear that has a layer of activated carbon in it which can adsorb a certain amount of VOCs and chemicals. It is not tolerated by all due to the synthetic materials it is made from.
This is not one of the large respirators that have canister filters - they filter much more and are excellent for MCS from what I hear IF one can get them outgassed enough so as to not react to the respirator itself.



Here is the January 2009 post:

I now have a few select places I can go without a mask - something I thought would be forever impossible. Just yesterday I was out without mask and realised that it no longer felt terrifying like it did when I first began doing so (maybe a year ago).

I know my body and intuition well enough now to trust them. If I have the feeling that today is a mask day, then I wear my mask(s). If not, I try to trust that feeling too although it's a bit harder (scarier).
There are some places that I expect will be quite a while before I go unmasked. Grocery stores (the dreaded detergent aisle that contaminates the entire store), malls (have gone unmasked once), department stores, hardware stores, anywhere that has air 'freshener'.

Fast forward 9 months to September 2009:

I was so excited to read that old post because it is inspiring to realise just how FAST I am improving! it may feel like I am crawling along while I'm doing it, but things like this give me perspective. Only 9 months ago, I though it would be possibly years before I could go somewhere stinky like a mall or big grocery store.
I can now go to those 'dreaded' huge grocery stores, malls and department stores with no mask. (though I do not go down the aisles that have detergent, perfume, air fresheners - that would just be stupid ☺)

There are days when I can tell it would not be a good idea so I go masked but generally, I can now go those places unmasked with no lasting effects. I get a sore throat or nose - depending on whether I breathe through my mouth or nose - and I get varying degrees of brain fog still. Other than that, my reactions are almost none and my recovery time is almost immediate upon getting into clean air again.
Even one year ago, I would have a chemical 'hangover' for at least the following day if not longer. And that's if I went wearing a mask.
I can't imagine how bad it would have been without the mask. I know the recovery time was much longer if my mask was older and less effective at filtering out VOCs.

I waited a long time to post about this and here is why: people with MCS sometimes take risks like this when they are getting better and end up having it set them back.

I knew that some readers may be concerned I was taking a foolish risk. It's hard to communicate to anyone else what my relationship with my intuition is like and the decision to go places maskless could seem ridiculous and totally unsafe. I wanted to wait to post until a good deal of time had passed and I could say, with confidence, the following:



I am still improving while taking these calculated risks. I am not setback, I am not in a holding pattern. I am still getting better and better... and it's wonderful! ☺☻☺




I want to add a very important caution here.
Please, please do not try something like this based on my personal experience.
This is a big risk to take and should only be taken if you and your health care professional confer about it. I only made the decision to do this after I had been steadily improving for quite some time. I began very tentatively with a lot of time in between exposures at first to assess how my body was reacting. I also listen very closely to my body and, if it is having a harder day, I either wear the mask or just stay at home.
I feel it is very important to move forward in ways like this only when it is realisticly wise to do so - not just because we want to be able to. It is possible for people with MCS to be vulnerable to denial - to wanting our freedom so much that we take unwise risks.

Celebrating MCS Improvements Part 3

Along with all of it's many gifts, Spring has brought me many opportunities to notice ways in which my health is improving and moving forward!

With MCS, one can react to any source of VOC (Volatile Organic Compond) - even a 'natural' source such as flowers, mold, fresh cut grass, wood etc.


All of the things on this list caused very bad reactions only 2 years ago - bad enough that I had to avoid all of them. Last year I was much better than the year before but still quite restrictive however... this year is dramatically better than last year and I feel no restrictions at all to these four things listed below! This is absolutely wonderful and feels like such a gift and blessing. I'm outside for hours each day and it's so good for my soul.

Gardening: rarely, if ever, do I react to mold from soil now. I garden every day! I used to have to wear a mask and gloves. I garden maskless now but do sometimes wear gloves if my eczema is acting up.


Fresh cut grass in the neighbourhood smells fresh and lovely to me! This blows my mind since only a few years ago, the terpenes and other VOCs released from fresh cut grass felt like poison to me and I had run and close the windows if I heard anyone mowing their lawn. As long as the grass smell was in the air (often days) I had to keep the windows closed and stay inside or only go out wearing a mask.
*note* there is an interesting PDF file paper here that shares results of research done on VOCs emitted from grass - it gives the actual VOCs and amounts after specific time periods (includes formaldehyde, acetaldehyde and more! ack!).
If PDF form is a problem, you can view it in text form here (hope that link worked!)

Fragrant flowers blooming in the neighbourhood such as Lilac, Hyacinth, apple etc are enjoyable instead of making me nauseous and terribly sick (and necessitating the same frantic run for indoors and battening of the hatches as cut grass used to). What a joy to be able to appreciate a pretty, natural smell instead of feeling it's the enemy. I still don't bring fragrant flowers into the house but can envision a day when that will be possible!

Raking leaves: mild to no reaction to leaf mold (I used to get 'stoned', exhausted and incoherent).



As a wonderful added bonus, my reactions to the following chemicals have also dramatically improved. I suspect it's been happening gradually over the winter and spring is giving me the chance to notice it since I'm outside more and wanting to open windows.
When I say 'reaction' I'm also including recovery time improving.
It takes more of a substance to cause a reaction, even then the reaction is much milder than in the past and my recovery time is much shorter. Yay!!! ☺

• dryer exhaust
• lawnmower fumes
• BBQ fumes
• car exhaust
• cigarette smoke
• tar (including new roof smell - a neighbour just got a new roof)
  
• wood smoke
• perfume, cologne and body spray
• laundry products on people's clothing, scented products on their hair and skin (I've actually been able to meet some of my neighbours after living here for a few years!)
  

I get so much hope and inspiration when I catalogue these improvements!
If any readers have noticed improvements, I love hearing about them - please share them in the comments section if you'd like to.

If this post was of interest to you, you might also like:

Moving Forward... Noticing The Positive Part 1

and

Celebrating Improvements - Noticing The Positive Part 2

Retreat - Listening To My Body's Wisdom

Retreat.
My body, spirit and intuition are telling me it is long past time for one. And the playful part of me jumped on the thought as soon as I had it and blurted out, "It even has the word TREAT in it!!"

I am a naturally very introverted person and often get drained, overwhelmed or overstimulated by interaction with other people - even when it's positive! I also get exhausted just being in a place where other people are talking, bustling, being etc.

My life may look like a retreat already but it doesn't feel that way. Even emails feel draining and overwhelming. Phone calls or in person visits are much worse.

I've felt many times that getting MCS was my body's wise way of getting me to retreat from a world that was simply unhealthy for me. Not in the sense of toxins but in the sense of draining or overwhelming me energetically.
I've been so focused on the ways in which I am isolated due to MCS that I haven't taken note of the ways in which I'm not isolated such as emails, support groups, reading blogs, phone calls etc.
Aside from when I get migraines and the few camping trips I've been on, I've never take a break from the computer for more than a day in years!

Furthermore, I've been fighting against my own inner wisdom each time I focus on the goal of 'healing' as defined by 'being able to be out in the human world again'!
My body doesn't want to be 'out in the world' again!!!
It's worked very hard to get me to retreat, take a break, honour my introvertedness!
I trust that there is some wisdom in this. Some positive reason.

So I've decided to honour my body's wisdom by trying a real retreat for a week. I'm not going to answer the phone, read or write emails, blog entries or comments(or possibly even go on the computer at all).
I'm going to do some EFT around guilt about this. Our society seems to view introversion as a defect - the very word 'antisocial' has a negative connotation. I've internalised those negative judgements in some ways and want to clear them!

I'm going to stop fighting my isolation for a week and see it as a gift - something to enjoy. (some people pay big bucks to go on retreats!) I'm going to relish it and spend the time doing whatever the heck I want.
Who knows what sort of healing my body will do if I give it the retreat it's been trying to get ever since MCS began all those years ago!

I won't be replying to emails or comments, but please know I'm fine - just on a retreat :-)

I am reminded of the dreams of turtles I had on a few different nights a couple of weeks ago. They felt powerful and important but I didn't know what the message was.
Now I think of turtle wisdom, for me, as including being at peace with where I am, not feeling the need to rush away from it, being comfortable with the pace at which I am moving and, of course, having the option of retreating within when it feels right.

Celebrating MCS Improvements Part 2

Just over a month ago, I wrote Moving Forward... Noticing The Positive. That post was a sharing of part of how my healing had progressed over the last few years and included a few lists of things that I was able to do or be exposed to without reactions, or with greatly lessened reactions compared to in the past.

I want to keep noticing the positive and celebrating the improvements!

To anyone reading, I would really love if you shared any improvements you have noticed - no matter the size. Sharing them can serve as inspiration for others on this healing journey and as validation for our own healing.

I believe that we attract more of whatever we are focusing on and this has proven to be true in my own life. So I believe that focusing on the positive, on improvements no matter how large or small, is a crucial part of my healing journey.

So without further ado:

This week I noticed that I had bills laid out all over the kitchen counter for a few days. I remembered that only a few short years ago, I could not be in the same room as a new piece of mail or any newly printed paper! Yet here I was, spending time in this room with about 8 bills laid out - all smelling of inks and chlorine-processed paper. And I was fine. Yay!

I read a book recently from the library that smelled quite scented and also of cigarette smoke. I noticed the smell but did not react.

Perhaps best of all, I am now able to use a set of years-old markers to colour with! When I tried these markers last winter, I reacted immediately. Now I can spend over an hour colouring! I was also fine with a highlighter that I couldn't use as recently as October. It's exciting how fast improvements have been happening for me this past year.

The result is wonderful, vibrant colour that I can adorn my walls with like the ones shown in this post.


I recently had to replace my old inkjet printer and decided on a laser one (since it's in a room I don't use I am not worried about the ozone). The result has been wonderful and totally unexpected - I don't react to the ink at ALL! In laser printers, the ink is basically bits of plastic dust fused to the paper. None of it rubs off on my hands whereas with inkjet printers, my hands reacted if they touched the ink - even after much time. *note* I wouldn't choose a laser unless I had a room to put it in that I don't spend time in.

I've been wanting to have a set of pieces on the wall to represent the chakras so I'm colouring with that theme in mind. So far I have the root and solar plexus chakras done (and for fun I have done a turtle because I recently had 2 dreams with turtles in them).

Many thanks go to http://www.mandalarbre.com for their amazing, inspiring colourable mandalas. They are all designed by Marc Bove and are copyrighted.
They have galleries there where you can see various coloured-in mandalas. It's wonderful seeing all of those vibrant colours! Media options may be watercolour paints, pencil crayons, markers, coloured pens or anything you tolerate.

You Are Magnificent! (AWEsome EFT video)

 

As an introduction, you may want to read my post Why EFT (and what is it anyhow?) .

 I just finished watching Brad Yates most recent free EFT video on Youtube and it was AWESOME!!!
I have embedded it at the bottom of this post and I hope you'll try it out.

***Note***
You do not need tapping experience to use this video! Just tap on the spots you see Brad tapping and say the words he says.

I haven't even made my breakfast yet (bad me ;-) but I wanted to share this with you right away!

Any of you who have read the famous excerpt from Marianne Williamson's book Return To Love may recognise a similar theme (and even some similar, powerful phrases) in this excellent tap-along video. The excerpt is often entitled "Our Deepest Fear" and has been incorrectly attributed to Nelson Mandela many times.
It's a powerful piece of writing and worth checking out if you're not familiar with it.

Both the video and that piece of writing do use the 'God' word and in the past, that would have gotten in the way for me, but in the last number of years I've gotten used to 'translating' the word 'God' when I hear it.
It used to mean something religious to me (and since I'm patently not religious, it clashed energetically) but now, to me, it means something more spiritual and energetic. I think of the amazing Universe that we live in, the miraculous bodies we may take for granted each day and I think of 'God' as connected to all of that.

In this tap-along video, Brad does use the word 'God' and at the beginning he invites us to think of or say aloud whatever word feels right to us. It could be Life Force, Spirit, Universe, Higher Self, Goddess or any word at all that works for you.

For those who are atheist, I invite you to not let this tiny, 3-letter 'God' word stop you from benefiting from this video!
'Life Force' can refer entirely to the amazing force in our bodies that created us and sustains us and might be a more comfortable phrase for you (if any atheists reading this have other phrases or terms that work for them in this sort of context, I'd love it if you shared! ☺)

I cannot say enough how excellent and, well, 'kicka$$' (as my younger brother would say) I found this video! For me, it triggered all sorts of giggles and gleeful laughter though for some, including myself at times, it may bring tears.

*if you find tapping physically difficult due to fatigue or injury, I have found that benefit can still be had from simply holding my fingers in place over each tapping point while saying the words.*
As always, tap at your own risk ☺

Now I'd better go and eat breakfast.

Happy tapping!





Thank you Brad for another wonderful video!!!
I'm still giggling now and then!

♥

If you'd like to watch the video directly on Youtube, you can do so here.

Thoughts on Pain vs. Suffering

I realised recently that if I wait until blog posts feel 'finished', I won't post very often. So I think I'll start sharing my meandering thoughts, recognising that they may not always come across coherently and that I may later disagree with myself :-)

-

As I was lying in bed recently, in the dark with a migraine, I was thinking a bit about the difference between pain and suffering.

Usually I think of them as the same thing but...

in theory,
pain and suffering
are two separate things.

How to experience pain
without suffering?

I really want that skill!

I bet a big part of it is
to
not want.

If I want to be pain free,
then any time I feel pain
I will probably
experience 'suffering'.

So, then,
is 'suffering' the experience of wanting something other than what is?

If so, most people in our culture suffer a LOT.
There are degrees of suffering. Some are more uncomfortable than others.

All this is interesting to think about but doesn't help too much in the midst of intense pain or adversity.

I realise this has been written about extensively in many circles - Buddhist ones being at the top of the list. I just never really thought about it in the same, intense way that I did the other day.

I was lying there knowing there was no escape from the pain and feeling so desperate for anything that could bring me relief.
Into my mind popped the idea that the experience of the pain would not be nearly so bad if I wasn't suffering so much.

I don't have any solutions for this, nor many ideas on how to stop wanting other than what is.
I guess one could do EFT or, if it works for them, or read up on methods of detachment such as those used in Buddhist practice. Some people find meditation or prayer help though neither have worked well for me so far.

I think of people I know who have chronic illnesses (or terminal ones) and it occurs to me that the ones who seem happy don't seem to suffer much - even when they are in pain.
I think this may be a piece of the puzzle of how to live vibrantly with illness or disability.
There are people out there who have intense pain - physical or emotional - and some of them still seem happy and alive.
What is the difference between them and those of us who are terribly unhappy or get totally bogged down by the negative in our lives?
Maybe some of them are naturally cheerful, optimistic people.

I believe it's possible for those of us who aren't naturally like that to shift our attitudes. I have been a pretty negative person most of my life... at least about things that happen to me. I'm pretty good at being positive for others'.

I don't believe that 'positive thinking' is a magic pill but I do believe that it can really effect our quality of life. Which in turn can effect our energy levels, which in turn can effect the resources our bodies have available to heal with. I feel like everything is connected.

I think I'll write more on attitude and how I've been trying to shift mine... but I'll save it for another day. :-)

For now, I'll leave you with a link to an article about healing by Raymond Francis, a chemist who had severe MCS. I really appreciate how he expresses that thought can greatly effect us on many levels and if we want to change how we feel, we are well-served by starting with changing what we think.

He says this and much more very succinctly and I hope you enjoy the article as much as I did!
I particularly like how he says that it's not necessary to understand exactly how this works - it's just necessary to do it.

The positive thought that he suggests using is not actually one that feel right for me personally but I have heard it has worked for many people.

There are a number of articles available to read for free on his website here.

Enjoy!

Dealing With Differences of Opinion

Most people who don’t have MCS have a pretty strong difference of opinion with me on how toxic every day scented, chemical-laden products really are. We usually disagree about the safety scented products, particle board furniture, laminate or carpet as flooring choices, vinyl used in baby cribs/training pants, whether or not to use pesticides on lawns, gardens and pets and oh so many more topics.

I used to engage in conversations about these topics with people. I felt it was important for me to share my knowledge with them, to enlighten them about the toxins they were unwittingly exposing themselves, their children and their pets to. Occasionally I met someone interested in learning but more often I met strong resistance.

In time I stopped sharing about these topics unless they expressed interest. I just found it too draining. It felt like fighting an uphill battle and I decided it was standing in the way of my healing in a number of ways – most strongly because it exhausted me – taking energy that was much needed for healing!

However, even though I rarely get into those discussions now, I still frequently end up having imaginary conversations with people. I may see an advertisement about a product I think of as toxic and think of how many well-intentioned people use it who are in the dark about how toxic it may be. I find myself mentally rehearsing what I might say if I wanted to share with them about this.

Even these mental discussions (often arguments) are draining my energy.

So I was very excited to find this tap-along video that addresses the topic of differences of opinion. I feel it addresses some of the core feelings about differences of opinion that may be interfering with personal peace. Therefore it may help across the board – not just for a specific difference of opinion.

When I tap with pre-made videos, I try to listen to my intuition. Sometimes I feel an urge to use different words or to add in extra words. I try to listen to my inner wisdom about this. Sometimes I’ll be able to fit the words in while watching and sometimes I’ll pause the video to give myself time to pay attention to that inner voice, that inner knowing, feeling.

*I want to acknowledge that some people get inspired and energised through activism. I have a great appreciation for the time and energy they put towards raising awareness. If any of you are reading this, thank you! I am grateful for all that you do for those of us who cannot.*

If you are someone who enjoys activism, I feel this video could be very beneficial for you too. I believe that when we are more at peace about differences of opinion, we can communicate more clearly. Confidence and calm may be able to replace frustration and urgency – making us much more effective communicators. People are more likely to take our words seriously when we are coming from a calm place – unruffled by their differences of opinion

Happy tapping!

As an introduction, you may want to read my post Why EFT (and what is it anyhow?) .

Brad Yates is an experienced EFT practitioner who is known for his light-hearted, sometimes humorous style. Thank you Brad for permission to embed this video!! :-)

You can see more of Brad's free Youtube videos here.

Inviting Neuroplasticity Part 1

I used to be able to write and speak easily and eloquently.
It was effortless and actually really enjoyable. So was thinking.
No longer. Now those are challenging and frustrating - writing the most (ironic that I recently I chose to begin a blog).
At times, I feel that that ease of cognitive function is one of the things I miss the most from my life before MCS.

My cognitive symptoms/challenges (I don't like the words 'dysfunction' or 'limitations' even if they are true) are by far the worst during or after an exposure but there is a certain level of difficulty I experience all of the time. I have not had a neurological assessment, SPECT scan or MRI and I have no idea if I have 'brain damage'. I don't really care to know. I know my brain works differently than it used to as far as cognition is concerned. Maybe certain neural 'pathways' or areas are damaged or blocked.

I used to think, write, speak and communicate at a certain 'level' and now I do all of those things at a far lower level... yet still high enough that I am painfully aware of all that I have lost. I don't feel I'm expressing this well. It is a deep grief and a daily frustration - especially when I have all sorts of ideas and viewpoints that I would love to be sharing in this blog.

For inspiration and hope, I look to stroke patients and patients with various types of brain injury. Among them are people who have relearned far beyond what anyone predicted they could.
Our brains are miraculous, amazing things.
Neuroplasticity - the ability of the brain to 'rewire' itself after damage (or more scientifically: the process by which neurons create new connections among themselves) - is itself a wonderful, exciting thing. It is now known that activity in the brain that is associated with a specific action or function can actually move to a different area in the brain!
I imagine a horde of happy little neurons coming to the place that they normally 'cross the river' only to find the bridge is missing. Instead of giving up, they decide to actually build a new bridge! A bit cheesy but inspiring.

The mind-body connection is not well understood yet but many health care professionals accept that it does exist and can greatly effect the outcome of injuries, illness and disease.

With this in mind, I have decided to try regularly talking to my brain(when I remember). Yes, this may sound 'crazy' but I figure I have nothing to lose (unless I talk to it in public :)!

I am going to invite my brain to heal, let it know that I love it, that I honour and cherish it and marvel at how amazing it is! I'll tell it that I'm so glad it exists, and that I trust it to find new ways to communicate. I'll let it know what I want - to communicate easily and well - and tell it that I will be open to whatever ways it can provide.

My old, 'normal' ways of thinking, writing and speaking simply aren't working well for me anymore. When I try to use them, I get totally jumbled up, confused and frustrated. It is doing me no good to keep holding onto those old ways. So I will try to let them go to make space for new ones.

To Do List: Send love and encouragement to my brain

Photo Credit: Casey Hodge